.Saturday, February 28, 2009@3:18 PM.
Im A Sore Loser.today morning actually quite high.
after that had PIC..
then meeting with the leaders.
haiiz. lost the position i want.
this year, and this is only the 2nd month, i have already lost 3 things.
3 important things in my life..
the first thing i lost is her.
losing her seriously hit me very hard.
till now, i cant forget her at all.
tried means and ways, but to no avail.
thought of patching things.
but no point.
0% will succeed and 100% will fail.
what for i try?
hais, she is that important to me.
losing her is the worst thing that happened.
i dunno if she still have any feelings for me.
anyway, i dunt dare to ask her..
the second thing i lost is my post in scouts.
its just a small position, and i couldn't attain it.
and yet, i lost to someone who is incapable.
im very disappointed and upset.
marvin, although sometimes seem to be the type that dont care, actually is really a nice person.
during the discussion, told marvin that i will not be able to get the post.
he knew i was very disappointed, i think he could see my eyes turning teary and my voice getting weaker.
i couldn't believe it that i actually feel so upset to the extent that i shed tears over it.
i want to thank him for comforting me.
hais. rejected the APL post as i think that its no different from me being a SPB.
might as well be an SPB when i cannot get to be the PL.
maybe because i didnt fight for it?
rejected to be scout SL too cos i have other reasons.
fought hard to become the PL, in the end, i failed.
my scout mates all say that i will become the PL, but in the end?
all the empty talk is simply usless.
hais.
the third thing, that i might lose in a few months time, is my position in the Student Council.
if i cannot even attain to be a PL, how can i even attain a position, that is something so much more glamarous, and important.
what a failure i am.
i don't have the strength and confidence anymore.
fighting for the top 4 positions in the Student Council is like going to war.
it will be a tough battle. i don't know if i should join in or stop my journey here, and just be a prefect and an ordinary SL.
after today, i felt that i have lost everything already.
no more confidence, no more strength and no more courage.
how to be the top 4? hais.
maybe, i need a mirror and reflect on myself.
i should not think too highly of myself.
maybe, i m not as capable as him.
maybe, i m just usless, and always day dreaming of attaining big.
maybe, whatever others say about me is through.
usless, lousy, incapable and being looked down on..
some people say that i will never attain that post.
maybe what they say is true?
i have to think it over. hais.
seriously, losing 2 important things in just this 2 months, has really hit me too hard.
i have to think it over seriously, to stop or to contiune my journey..
have to think by next week, as it will determine everything already. hais.
maybe if i really lose my position in Student Council, i might give up everything, studies, scouting, prefectorial board.
my friends told me to aim high, but when i aim high and not get it, wont i end up with nothing?
whats the use of trying so hard and getting nothing back in return.
all the rumors about me is going around so quickly.
what if any of the teachers hear about it, wont it tarnish my image?
wont i stand a lower chance that way?
having her is enough for me, but now i dunt even have her anymore.
hais.
people, tell me my bad points and i will try to improve myself.
i will not get to enjoy my 15th birthday happily.
Labels: very very upset.
